homesick

i talked to my mom on the phone today and suddenly tears began running down my face..its not even like anything is wrong..but its just that im so far from home..all by myself..and there really inst any one here..for me

i guess this is what medical school is all about finding yourself and learning to be by yourself..and i wont even say that i am overwhlemd because i am on top of everything i should be and need to be doing but its just has to do with the frustration of not reatining as much as i want to..especially after spending 6-7 hrs studying per day on weekdays

it makes me wonder hwat am i doing wrong? or am i doing anything wrong? i would say i ahve a 60-70% grasp of the infroamtion and even thoguh we are only a week in im just not happy with my progress thus far..perhaps my expectations of myself are too high..

but i just feel that i can do better..there must be a link im mising or soemthing i am not doing correctly..

now im just going to curl up in my bed..wishing i was home..but this is my dream and this is what i have always wanted..and everythin i am learning is so exciting but at the same time..i miss home..i miss my family..my bf..my firends..i just miss home..

a new place

its been over a week now since i came to newcastle..so many new people..new emotions and feelings..i think the best moment was perhaps the white coat ceremony. i odnt dont how many nights i have yearned to wear that white coat..and finally..finally after all these years it is coming true..my dreams are finally coming true.

newcastle is nice. the people are very friendly and it is not as expensive as i woas expecting it to0 be h0owever, the coversion from dollars to pounds still doenst help.
due to the ridiculous prices of meat i have decided to be mostly vegetarian unless i find some uber cheap meat..

classes begin monday..i am feeling so many things..

scared nervous excited all at the same time..i went to drop off kiran this morning and it was sad..a flood of tears overcame me as a dear piece of my heart was being torn from me..it made me realize that i am all alone in this big land..and even though the idea of the "UK" sounded exciting at first..it is also a lonely expreince..to fly halfway across the world from family and friends and loved ones..to make new friendships..

but its ok..thats what life is about..its about stretching ourself and experiencing new things..what i like is the feeling of liberation of freedom..of finally doing what i have wanted so long to be a physician..sometimes i feel like i dont even know if i deserve the honor or the privilege. but here i am

here are my goals for the next year:
1. work on my weaknesses academically and personally:
- some of my weaknesses include being overly sensitive, making careless mistakes, losing attention, and being quickly disheartned at the first sign of failure or obstacle.
i feel that the past two years have taught me tremendous things about who i am as a person. i beleive in myself and i belevie that i can rock medical school. i beleive that i am willing to tailor my studying and do whatever it takes to succeeed.

its nice that we have a "unified quiz" about 4 weeks into the term..this allows us to guage how our study is working..

next week plan to go introduce myself to all of the professors..and i also have an appointment with the lady at the educational services in order to make sure i have a strong start..

i am at the foothills of my dreams..with being a doctor..comes great responsibility..and im so excited that each day i will be learning somehting..that will help a pateint one day..it feels like finally my life has meaning..meaning i have been searching for so long..

thank you god for giving me this opportunuity i will not dissapoint you.

i plan to work hard and not let any obstacles burden me down. because i owe it to all people whose voices arent heard..who dont have access to health care..

thats all for now..

i will try to update again later.