sleep eludes me.

once again sleep is nowhere to be found..im frantically packing..not even sure why since i still have 9 days left! i guess it feelsl ike packing is the only thing under my control..everything is happening so fast..so fast that i can see it happeneing..its like watching my life on fast foward and not being able to stop it or say where its gonna go..just a big decision..im taking the plunge..the actual plunge..with the big loan in hand..im going across seas..with the pursuit of one dream..i dont know where life will take me..but i know i can handle anything and everything that is thrown my way..but i am still fearful and scared for waht the future holds for me..

its is one thig to dream..and it is another thing for that dream to ocme true..i guess from now..usmle is my lifeline..i must rock that exam..i have absolutely no choice..that will soley decide my destiny..it will be ironic really..the way that mcat really played with my head and heart..usmle will make the playing field level..is the field really level though for everyone? gosh i will try not to go itno a rant about the medical educaiton sytem and the lack of opportunities within in but no matter how hard or treacherous the journey is..i will take responsbility and accountabliy for my decision..i am choosing this for myself..so no one but me will facwe the conseuqneces both psotiive and negative..life isnt a farilytale..things will go worng. but there wont be anyhing iwont be able to handle

here is the opporutnity that i show myself that ican truely suceed and i know i am living my lifes purpose..finally god has given me the opportunity to live my dreams..finally i am one step closer..so why am i so afriad?

i dont know..i just know that i cant sleep..a thousand thoughts racing in my hea..and im over a week out..

firstly god, thank you for this opportunity..for thingking me worthy enopugh to allow me to pursue the path of becoming a healer
secondly, i beleie and trust that aynthing and everything i face i can handle
thirdly, i want to commit my life to medicine to service the neediest populations..pls dont make my heart hard and rip the desire out of me to do good..

keep me grounded. protect me from the evils of capitalism and private practice in cushy offices..allow me to heal those whose voices arent heard..allow me to be the type of healer that really makes an imapct in epoples lives.rather than another rich doc with a house in the hamptons..i dont want the riches..just a modest life with the satisfaction of knwongi that my lifes work meant soemthing..

here i come to live my dreams. no force can deter me..nothing can stop me. i will and plan to rock this.

usmle i am ready to begin courting you..lets get started alreayd.